What grief has taught me lately and steps you can take right now to feel better

Today I took a mental health day and it was exactly what I needed. I’ve felt as though lately I’m going through the motions and not exactly enjoying things the way I should. I’ve had three big losses since August last year and I feel like I had only just had enough time to feel a glimpse of recovery from one before the next one happened.

Grief is weird. No one tells you how to handle it, or what to expect. And even if they did, I’m not sure it would actually help much. Because it’s different for each person and different for each situation.

With each of these losses over the past 8 months, the grief and experience feels different. Each one difficult and shocking in it’s own way. And I know that although this is rough right now, it’s teaching me something big. Maybe I don’t fully know what that is just yet, but underneath, it’s happening.

There is at least one thing I have noticed already though. I know that I don’t want to spend any extra time on things that I don’t see adding to my future. People, jobs, negative thinking, gossiping or listening to people put each other down. I don’t have the time or energy to spend on those things that aren’t adding to my life anymore. Obviously, I’m not saying I quit my job or just suddenly cut people out of my life. But, just making sure that I put my mental health and my heart first. And walking away when I know it’s too much for me (like today, taking the PTO, because I know I desperately need time to myself in order to be a better employee).

We live in a society that thinks BUSY is a badge of honor. It really isn’t. We are too BUSY spending time at jobs we don’t love, or committing to things that don’t provide us with joy and contentment. And we don’t spend time being BUSY doing what we love.

Of course we all need paying jobs…we have to do things like laundry/dishes/taxes, take kids to their extra curricular activities, etc…. But, what about taking time for yourself? Do you take time to do the things that you love? Things that bring you true happiness? Do you even know what that is for you? Losing important people in your life really puts that into perspective.

For me, it’s things like going on walks with my husband, writing and getting my thoughts out on paper, working out to feel my best, and just being able to spend time on my own to think. I’m an introvert to the core. And if I don’t take time to allow myself those mental health days (not usually meaning a day off work), I know I can’t function at my best.

So, at least for today, I am giving myself the permission to just be. I have no to-do list, no one to measure up to, no deadlines to meet, or people to please. It’s just me and my thoughts. I’m giving myself permission to be a little sad and work through my grief. To figure out what makes me happiest and how I can incorporate that into my daily life.

If you’re in the same boat as me and feeling like you just need a break, these are some things that I find can help in the actual moment:

• Write it out. How are you feeling? Why? Is there something specific that’s causing this overwhelm in your current life? Consider whether you have any control over the situation.
• Get outside in nature. Being outside where everything is so much bigger than you can help your problems to seem a little bit smaller and more manageable. I love going for a walk and listening to old music (things I listed to in high school or college that bring back fun memories), or listening to a podcast, or just listening to nature and being with my own thoughts.
• Go somewhere new. Personally, give me a local coffee shop and I am good to go. I feel relaxed and comfortable. And getting out somewhere that people don’t know you somehow helps. Hint- that’s what I’m doing currently.
• Read. You can read a self-development book, something for fun, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. It’s hard to focus on your problems or allow yourself to spiral into negative thoughts when you are reading someone else’s.
• Talk to someone. A therapist, spouse, friend, family member. Having someone you trust that you can express your feelings to makes a big difference. I always go to my husband first. And lately, he’s had some really good wisdom for me and allows me to see things from a different perspective.
• Take action. I often find that when I am worried about something, if I just start to take action to move forward, it helps ease the anxiety and worry. This can be just focusing on your current task at hand, or it could be taking steps to overcome whatever your situation is. Just taking that first step moves you in the right direction.
• Move your body. Exercise does actually give you endorphins. That’s why you feel so accomplished and empowered after a workout. It can help put you in a better mood, even if only for a short time. Your body is meant to move, and it craves that.