Lessons Learned in My First Year of Motherhood
Wow. I can’t believe that I already have a one year old. And that we have made it through one year of parenthood. Being a mom has honestly always been my biggest dream and desire in life. I knew from a really young age that I wanted to be a mom, even though I obviously didn’t quite understand at the time what all that entails.
And let me tell you, it’s a lot!
If you’re a mother, you know. The first year of your baby’s life is so exciting, but also so full of unknown, new experiences, questions and learning something new every day (possibly every hour).
I have to admit, in those first few months, I actually didn’t think I was cut out for it. If you are a new mom and currently in the thick of it, I hope you know you’re amazing and doing an incredible job! Even when you think you’re failing, you’re likely doing a whole heck of a lot better than you think!
I’ve spent the last few months really reflecting on this last year and becoming a mom. I can’t lie and say I haven’t cried a few times as well. Coming up on this milestone is just so BIG. It’s special, it’s beautiful, but it’s also a tiny bit bittersweet. It means Jackson needs me just a tiny bit less in some ways. And we have passed through lots of firsts already, as well as lots of lasts. We’re moving onto such exciting times, but I can’t help but also be just a tiny bit sad about what we’re leaving behind. I think every mom likely feels this way with big milestones. And it’s okay to address those emotions and sit with them a little. In just one year, so much has been accomplished and life looks completely different. I think it’s important to acknowledge both the good and the somewhat sad feelings.
I’ve learned more about myself and relationships in this first year of motherhood than I ever could have expected. I hope by sharing this you might feel a little less alone on your own journey, find comfort in looking forward to all the exciting firsts ahead, and learn to show yourself some extra grace.
You are exactly the parent your baby needs, even if you feel like a failure...
The more I get to know Jackson, the more I understand this. There is no other woman that could possibly cater to him the way that I can. The experiences I have been through in my past, the struggles it took to get to him all lead me to become the exact mother that he needs. There are plenty of times I feel like I’m not getting it right. Like I could be doing soooo much better at just about everything. And while I know in my head that isn’t actually the case, it can be hard to see that in the moment.
But ultimately, I remind myself that I’m exactly what Jackson needs. My body was his safe and warm home well before I even knew who he was. And the more I get to see his little personality grow, the more I know I’m the right person to raise him.
Take what's helpful and leave the rest...
Becoming a parent puts you into some crazy world where all of a sudden everyone is allowed to give you unsolicited advice on how they think you should raise and parent your child. And while it is typically very well-meaning, it is not always helpful or what’s best for your family.
I actually very rarely reach out to friends and family members for advice on what to do in difficult situations. It isn’t because I don’t think I need the help. I know I do. But at the end of the day, my husband and I make the decisions that are best for our family and no one else can know that as well as we do. We are both very independent people and logical/practical when it comes to making hard decisions. We’ve also been through quite a lot already as a little family and it just solidifies our choices more and more.
I think as moms (or parents in general), you have to take what’s helpful to you, but be completely okay with ignoring the rest and not feeling guilty about it. Don’t get too frustrated when someone suggests something you don’t agree with. Most of the time they are hoping to help! But it never means that you don’t know your baby best. No one else will advocate for you and your family the way that you can.
It is not selfish to take care of yourself...
I never understood ‘mom guilt’ until I went through it myself. I heard moms say they felt guilty taking time away from their babies to work out or go meet friends and I thought ‘well that just seems silly- you have to take care of yourself still!’ LOL
Now I know what that feels like. Like you want to be there 24/7 and not miss anything, yet at the same time you are really craving and needing that time for yourself. To feel like YOU. And man is it hard to find the right balance.
I think about this pretty much every day at some point. I’m constantly trying to think of ways to fit in things that make me feel like myself without taking too much quality time away from my son and husband. Especially because quality time is typically also my #1 love language. So while I need that time alone, I also need the quality time with them to feel my best as well. It’s a delicate balance and one I work on every day.
Taking care of yourself allows you to be a better and more present mom. If you are so burnt out that you can’t even focus or feel like your own needs are met, it’s going to be really hard to take care of another person.
I absolutely do not have the answer to this. But I find that carving out a few minutes every day (whether it’s coffee alone in the morning, a long walk, reading, getting dinner or coffee out with a friend or taking a yoga class, etc.) makes me a much happier person and I can then show up for Jackson so much more.
Something I try to remind myself of when I start to feel guilty is that my son deserves to have a mother who is happy. This really helps me to continue to prioritize my own health and needs when it feels challenging.
Being a mom is the best part of life so far...
I can’t even begin to explain the amount of love and joy that becoming a mom has added to my life. It makes all other priorities clearer and sorts them out so quickly. I’m reminded that although things like a job and money are great, they will never in a million years compare to time spent with my son.
No matter how hard some days are, I know I would never want it to be any other way. And I really mean that. I would rather be stressed and exhausted from caring for a tiny toddler than to be on my own and able to do whatever I want. Watching the world through Jack’s eyes is somewhat like experiencing it all over again for the first time. It teaches me to slow down, to focus on what’s truly important, to be less strict about certain things, to care MORE about others, and the appreciate all the little things.
It’s true when they say that becoming a mom cracks you open. In all the best ways.
I don’t have a lot of advice for other moms. I think we are all just out here doing the best we can and trying to maintain the old parts of ourselves that we miss so much (I think they’ll come back around at some point).
Personally, I think raising a little human is the most important thing I could ever do with my life. And I’m so unbelievably honored that God chose me to be Jacks’ mom. It’s the greatest part of life so far and I am so excited to continue to see all that motherhood has to offer. I welcome all the good and all the difficult parts of it. I know that both are very short-lived. And it’s important not to wish the time away, but rather to allow myself to feel every emotion, every joy or difficulty and cherish it. A lot of days that’s so much easier said than done, but it helps to think of it that way.
I’m literally living in the middle of what I prayed and fought for so hard for years at a time. And that is not something I could ever take for granted (although I would really love to feel less tired).